winter river

The other day, my friends and I decided to take a bit of an adventure out by the river. Mind you, it was freezing outside and blanketed with snow. This was especially true for the boat ramp that we visited off the river, and I’m honestly surprised that we didn’t have to dig ourselves out of the snow-covered gravel. But we didn’t mind the cold.

I’ve been to this spot on the river hundreds of times, in just about every type of weather imaginable so this was really no different.

We took some time to admire the winter landscape. We jumped and ran around on the frozen river’s edge, snapping pictures, hoping the ice was strong enough to hold the three of us. We ventured under the bridge of the highway which was plastered in spray paint over the years. We even ran into a white and ginger farm dog that was out having an adventure of his own.

By the end of it our noses were red and running, our bodies filled with an unimaginable chill that only the warmth of the mochas we drank later could remove.

Finally, on our journey home we wound around the curvy, 11-mile country road until we found the abandoned barn. I’d only visited once before, and was too scared to enter due to the fear of “clowns inside” which was spray-painted on the barn’s door. However, time’s grip on this decaying barn had really taken a toll, allowing natural light to flow in through the gaping holes and doorways, dissolving this fear I once felt.

Stepping in was like a time capsule, and I was filled with a sense of nostalgia. There was a blend of old and new: rusted paint cans and worn down armchairs, the springy remains of a mattress, and empty beer cans, a dirt-filled cooler, the remnants of young people’s fun.

I’m sure that the sight of three college kids running out of an abandoned barn raised some questions for the few cars that zipped by, but we were having honest fun.

This adventure was a landmark event in my life.

It is only the beginning of really living, exploring, and finding myself.

locked in time

stagnancy.

The dictionary defines stagnant as showing no activity; dull and sluggish. Its synonyms include inactive, slow, lethargic, and flat. Right now, this is how life feels.

I feel as though my feet are planted in solid cement, and I am hopelessly looking around for something that isn’t tangible. I desire the rush of adrenaline, cold air on my face as I drive through mountains, belly aches from laughing so intensely, tears at the corners of my eyes. I desire to collect, create, and connect with others.

I am stagnant, searching for something to dig me out of this swallowing, seemingly forever-hardening cement. I am wishing for wings that are strong enough to lift me out and take me to all of these places that I wish to go. I am praying that I keep my eyes in the right direction, and that this blurry vision would evaporate into clarity.

As I look around my room, I am surrounded by all things stagnant. Candles that crave to be lit with a flickering flame. Books that long to be bent open, pages being thumbed through for hours. Pens to be doodled with, pads of paper to be jotted on. A shelf of trinkets waiting to be dusted, made new. Like me, these objects are stagnant, itching to be made use of.

flowing. vibrant.

The antonyms of stagnant. How I aspire to spend my time this year.